Grief

 

I work (for now), I love, I live, I have fun. Just with wheelchairs and drugs and spasms and stuff...

 
30 June 2020

The Gazillion Stages of Grief. Covid, MS and Bloody Everything!

It’s tough out there right now. As I write this, and in the U.K. alone, perhaps 50,000 family and friends, (more or less 20,000, because we’re in both a guessing game and watching political football), are mourning a loved one. Gone to a virus none of us had heard of just a few distant months ago. In that same brief, surreal period, others have lost equally loved ones to something else. Accidents, scary illnesses, and old age? Well, they trample on, regardless of what makes the headlines. And very few of us dealing with the mounting waves of shock, bewilderment and fear have been allowed to manage the grief process. No proper funerals with cucumber sandwiches and sherry. No final, […]
6 September 2018

Finding my happy place again

“Life is good, just different”, is my oft-repeated mantra. And it’s usually true, honestly. Nothing Multiple Sclerosis has thrown at us has got me down for long. Well, maybe the excruciating nerve pain, a bit. And the phase when I was self-injecting every other day, each time basically giving myself the flu for 24 hours. Meh! I have a loving and much-loved family, a loyal, funny and indulgent set of close friends, and dashing good looks. Maybe not the last bit. At least my funky red wheelchair turns heads. Right now I’m in a bit of a wobbly phase. I am yawning my way through bouts of fatigue, increasing nerve pain attacks and a more-rubbish-than-ever bladder. The less said about […]
2 February 2018

Moving on. Grief and relief in equal measure

Phew! Yesterday was my first day out of work in decades and I’ve survived. Coffee and pastry in bed courtesy of my gorgeous, hard-pressed wife. Bit of aimless internet browsing. Ordered some mouthwash and a boxed DVD set. A lot of chat and ‘wowness’ reacting to the overwhelming tide of support and love flooding in from social media. Twitter, Facebook both busy. LinkedIn bonkers, absolutely bonkers. 450,000 views when I last looked, and I only posted two days ago. Lovely, lovely comments to warm my confused and doubting heart. Confused and doubting because even yesterday, I really wasn’t sure I had done the right thing. For me or for the family. More coffee by the sea to reflect and breathe. […]
26 September 2017

(Un)Happy Birthday to me!

21st. 30th. 40th. Decent excuses to party, nothing more… I’ve never really worried about milestone numbers as my youth boogied and boozed its way into the distance and middle-age snuck wearily and grey-flecked up on me. But I’m 49 as of this week. And the fact that in less than a year I’ll be 50 is… is, well, it’s weird. No matter that I’ve already got a disabled badge. That I can only manoeuvre my way around the house with a fetching NHS walker. That venturing outside requires a wheelchair and that I have self-catheterised for years. 50 will be a strange one. Probably. I got seven cards, two text messages, seven ‘phone calls. So far so normal for a […]